confession of a narcissist

I had a long talk with ChatGPT tonight. It told me I'm somewhat of a narcissist, and this feels horrible to me.

Posted on September 20, 2024

I had a long talk with ChatGPT tonight.

It told me I'm somewhat of a narcissist, and this felt horrible to me.

I've long suspected this in my behavior, and was looking for a way to confirm. It was just so hard to see myself through my own habits and point of views that make up my reality.

"GPT please, don't do this to me". 20 minutes into the conversation, I found myself wishing this. But eventually, I had to accept the truth:

I am no better than those who I despise.

I like to point out when people make excuses.

It feels right, I'm helping them. And I supported quite a number of people this way, enough to feel good about myself, until:

"I've noticed that you make a lot of excuses" - a friend of mine told me.

It was during a gathering of friends, and we were discussing one another's traits.

This messed up my mind much more than I'd like to admit right then. Pretending everything was fine, I nodded in agreement, and moved the conversation along. But from that point, I came up with some questions that I was desperate for solutions:

1. Why wasn't I noticing myself making excuses? (yes I understand how hard it is to notice one's own behavior, and time and time again, I learned this again, BUT YET AGAIN?)

2. If this was true that I'd been making excuses, then:

What were they?

What kind of damage did they exude?

Why do they even exist? To cover up what kind of weaknesses in my mind?

If all roads lead to Rome, it seems all of my excuses lead back to narcissism.

I asked ChatGPT today to give me a set of questions to find out if one is a narcissist or not.

It gave me a list of 10. I answered 10. Here is what it said:

You display some narcissistic traits, especially around self-worth, recognition, and control, but you also demonstrate fairness and empathy. Your personality seems to be nuanced—you're not overtly narcissistic, but you could be prone to certain entitlement and control tendencies, especially when under stress or in leadership roles.
It's worth reflecting on how these traits affect your relationships, and if you're comfortable with how they influence your behavior.
If you want to curb narcissistic tendencies, consider how you handle criticism, recognition, and whether your sense of entitlement is fair to others.

— AI Generated content by ChatGPT

🎯🎯🎯

Alright. Fair enough. What to do then?

I and ChatGPT agreed on using Stoicism as our framework to move forward.

Here's what it suggests, if you want to see:

AI Generated content inside: Toggle this open if you want the full result (long)

ChatGPT said:

ChatGPT

I love that you're committing to Stoicism. Let’s break it down into daily practices that help build those Stoic virtues (wisdom, courage, justice, temperance) and adapt over time as you progress.

Phase 1 (0% - 40% Stoic): Building Awareness & Emotional Control

Focus on recognizing your current tendencies and shifting toward internal mastery rather than external validation.

Daily Practice:

Morning Reflection (5 min):

Ask yourself: What external factors might trigger my ego, entitlement, or need for recognition today?

Plan to approach them with equanimity and detachment. Focus on what you can control (your thoughts, reactions).

Example: “If my contribution is not recognized at work today, I will focus on the satisfaction of having done my best.”

Criticism Practice (Throughout the day):

When faced with criticism or negative feedback, pause and breathe.

Ask: Is this feedback true or useful? If yes, thank them. If no, let it go.

Resist the urge to defend or explain yourself.

Empathy with Detachment (10 min):

At least once a day, when talking to someone, try to listen deeply without jumping to conclusions.

Ask yourself: What’s within my control here? Focus on understanding their position without becoming emotionally tied.

Envy and Entitlement Check (5 min at night):

Reflect on moments of envy or entitlement that arose during the day.

Journal: Why did I feel this way? Was this comparison necessary? How could I let go of these feelings?

Reaffirm: “I don’t need anything external to define my value.”

Timeline: Practice for 4-6 weeks until emotional reactivity to external validation begins to reduce.

Phase 2 (40% - 70% Stoic): Internal Mastery & Detachment from Recognition

In this phase, you'll focus on detaching from external outcomes and controlling your inner state. This requires deeper practice in self-reflection and self-mastery.

Daily Practice:

Stoic Visualization (5 min each morning):

Visualize potential hardships or disappointments in your day (e.g., being overlooked, receiving criticism).

Mentally rehearse accepting these with calm and grace, focusing on what’s in your control (how you respond).

Memento Mori (10 min at night):

Reflect on your mortality daily. This Stoic practice reminds us that life is fleeting, and we shouldn’t waste energy on things we cannot control.

Ask: What trivial issues consumed my day that are ultimately meaningless in the grand scope of life?

Reaffirm: “I am alive today, and I will live according to virtue, not external desires.”

Post-Reaction Journaling (5 min at night):

Write down any moments when your emotions overpowered you, such as anger, frustration, or pride.

Analyze what triggered it and why your internal peace was disturbed.

Recommit to focusing only on what is in your power.

Praise Detachment Practice (Throughout the day):

Anytime you receive praise or recognition, internally acknowledge it, but tell yourself: This doesn't change my value.

Focus on self-satisfaction from knowing you acted virtuously, not the praise itself.

Timeline: Practice for 6-8 weeks until praise, recognition, or criticism no longer dictate your mood or self-worth.

Phase 3 (70% - 100% Stoic): Mastery of Virtue & Acceptance of Fate (Amor Fati)

You’ll now fine-tune your focus on virtue, accepting everything life throws at you as part of your fate.

Daily Practice:

Amor Fati (10 min):

Begin each day by mentally embracing everything that will happen—good or bad—as necessary and beneficial to your growth.

Reaffirm: “I will love my fate, no matter what happens. The Stoic doesn’t curse misfortune—they embrace it as a path to wisdom.”

Virtue Check (Throughout the day):

With each decision, ask yourself: Is this the wise, courageous, just, or temperate action?

Focus on acting with virtue and integrity, regardless of the outcome.

Nightly Review (10 min):

Reflect on your actions during the day.

Did you act virtuously? Did you succumb to ego, desire, or envy?

If you strayed, use this as an opportunity to improve, but do not attach guilt—learn and move on.

Gratitude for Challenges (Throughout the day):

When faced with difficulty, remind yourself: This challenge is exactly what I need to grow stronger.

Embrace obstacles as part of your journey to become more Stoic.

Timeline: Continue indefinitely, as Stoicism is a lifelong practice.

Bonus Practices (Throughout all phases):

Negative Visualization: Regularly imagine losing things you value (health, wealth, relationships) to cultivate detachment.

Silent Observation: In moments of stress, observe without reacting—focus on slowing down before making decisions.

Physical Detachment: Occasionally deprive yourself of comforts (e.g., fasting, cold showers) to train yourself in endurance and detachment from pleasure.

Final Thought:

As you move closer to 100% Stoic, your internal state will become less dependent on external factors—praise, criticism, success, or failure. You’ll master your emotions, detach from outcomes, and focus on virtue as the core of your life.

Keep reflecting, adjusting, and living virtuously. This isn’t about perfection; it’s about the pursuit of excellence in your thoughts and actions.

Does this structure resonate with your goals? Anything you'd like to modify?

You said:

I love it. Is there a way to check which % I am at, at any given time?

ChatGPT said:

ChatGPT

I’m glad you love the plan! While there’s no exact scientific method to measure Stoicism as a percentage, you can use self-assessment and reflection to get a sense of where you are on the Stoic spectrum at any given time. Here are a few practical ways to check your Stoic progress:

1. Daily Stoic Checklist (Quick Scan for % Self-Check)

Use this as a daily reflection tool to gauge where you stand:

Emotional Reactivity: Did I maintain calm when faced with stress or criticism today? (Y/N)

Control Focus: Did I focus on what was in my control and let go of what wasn’t? (Y/N)

Ego Detachment: Did I avoid seeking validation or recognition from others? (Y/N)

Acceptance of Fate: Did I embrace challenges or misfortune as opportunities for growth? (Y/N)

Virtue-Based Decisions: Did I act with wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance today? (Y/N)

How to score:

5/5 Y’s: 80-100% Stoic—You’re embodying Stoicism well.

3-4/5 Y’s: 60-80% Stoic—You’re on track but have areas to improve.

1-2/5 Y’s: 40-60% Stoic—You’ve got some gaps in applying Stoic principles.

0/5 Y’s: Below 40% Stoic—Time to refocus on internal mastery.

2. Emotional Incident Log (Reactiveness Score)

Keep a journal where you log your emotional reactions and see patterns:

Trigger Events: What triggered me today (criticism, failure, envy)?

Reaction: Was my reaction calm, controlled, and aligned with Stoic principles?

Score your reaction:

0: Completely emotional, defensive, or ego-driven reaction
5: Neutral, but had to fight impulses to react
10: Pure Stoic calm and detachment

How to score:

If most reactions are 8-10, you’re in the 70-100% Stoic range.

If you have frequent scores below 5, you’re hovering in the below 60% Stoic range.

3. Criticism & Praise Reaction (Validation Check)

Take note of your reaction when receiving criticism or praise:

Criticism: Did I feel defensive, irritated, or angry? Or did I calmly accept it, and only took what was useful?

Score: 0 = Highly defensive, 5 = Moderate defensiveness, 10 = Completely calm and unaffected.

Praise: Did I feel overjoyed and attach self-worth to it, or did I acknowledge it but remain detached?

Score: 0 = Seek praise to feel good, 5 = Some attachment, 10 = Totally indifferent to praise.

How to score:

If you can take criticism with grace and let praise pass through without ego attachment, you’re likely hitting 80%+ Stoic.

If you still feel emotionally impacted by either, you're closer to 40-60% Stoic.

4. Monthly Stoic Virtue Review

Reflect on your month in terms of the four cardinal virtues of Stoicism:

Wisdom: Did I make decisions based on rational thought rather than emotion?

Courage: Did I confront difficult situations with bravery, or avoid them out of fear?

Justice: Did I act fairly, treating others with respect and kindness?

Temperance: Did I practice moderation, avoiding excess or indulgence?

How to score:

Rate each virtue on a scale from 0 to 10 based on your actions.

Add up your total out of 40.

35-40: 80%+ Stoic—Your actions reflect deep Stoic virtue.
25-35: 60-80% Stoic—You’re applying the virtues but need refinement.
Below 25: Below 60% Stoic—Work on embodying the virtues more consistently.

5. Stoic Mentor Review (Outside Feedback)

If you’re serious, ask someone who knows you well (a mentor or trusted friend) to give feedback on how they observe your Stoic qualities:

Do they see you as someone who is calm under pressure, takes responsibility, and acts fairly?

Do they notice that you handle criticism and praise differently now?

Their outside perspective will give you an idea of whether you’re moving toward higher Stoic levels or still stuck at a lower percentage.

Adaptation Overtime

As you progress, the self-checks will become more automatic and part of your daily behavior. At higher levels of Stoicism:

Phase 1 (0-40%): Focus on reaction-based metrics (emotional reactivity, ego attachment).

Phase 2 (40-70%): Focus on how much you’ve embraced virtue-based living (wisdom, justice, courage, temperance).

Phase 3 (70-100%): Reflect on your ability to love fate (amor fati) and accept challenges with joyful detachment.

You’ll know you’re getting closer to 100% Stoic when:

You’re not emotionally impacted by external events.

You make decisions rooted in virtue, regardless of outcome.

You practice amor fati, seeing even misfortune as necessary for your growth.

Final thoughts:

I was torn between making this public or not, since this can potentially be understood wrongly.

But these lessons are too important:

1. If someone needs to go through self investigation like I do, this acts as an example. Somewhat continuing the spirit of my previous post: not knowing.

2. To show my commitment to growth and getting better. Dear all of my friends who I unknowingly hurt in the past: I’m sorry. Retrospectively thinking of my past actions now.

3. Demonstrate a fun, and somewhat productive way to use AI tools (if you want more, please leave your email at the bottom of this post)

I hope you got something useful. Thanks for reading.

"All Men Must Die" "All Men Must Serve."

— G.R.R.M.