See if this sounds like you:

1. You know the source of what's causing your suffering.
2. You already know the steps to handle it.
3. But why is it still intensely painful, almost impossible to shake off?

Me in Green River College, 2014. Taken by Jeanne Scarlett

My reasoning:

1. Likely: This type of suffering likely stems from a large discrepancy between expectations (high dopamine baseline) and reality (low actual dopamine).
2. Mechanism: Physiologically, the body simply feels suffering, not necessarily about anything specific. However, it often "temporarily" finds a problem to suffer about, to make the pain feel "logical."
3. Consequence: As a result, even if the problem has a solution, it still causes suffering, because this feeling is partly independent of the problem itself.

The method I use (and find very effective):

1. Notice and Reduce Baseline Triggers: Pay attention to what things have recently been pushing your expectations (dopamine baseline) high, and temporarily eliminate them.
2. Externalize the Action Plan: Regarding the source of suffering (what you feel is the cause): Write down all the processing steps on paper. Ensure these steps describe concrete actions (with real impact on the world, not abstract) that you can take.
3. Address the Remaining Illogical Suffering: Finally, what's often left is an illogical feeling of suffering in your soul. Do the following:
   1. Gently close the door to your room.
   2. Lie down on the sofa/bed.
   3. Hug a blanket or pillow.
   4. Hold one thought in your mind: "This pain is illogical and not real, it's just the hormones."
   5. Scream, squirm freely 🤤, truly aligning with the emotion.

Me dry squirming. Illustration by ChatGPT

Normally, at this stage, I might even scream while sometimes bursting into full maniacal laughter. Outsiders could find that extremely concerning, which is why closing the door (step 3.a) is crucial 😆.

Very often, it's laughing through tears, and fragments of illogical painful memories also surface and join in. That's why step 3.d is vital: constantly remind yourself this suffering isn't real (in its attachment to that specific narrative). Because it isn't real (in that sense).

It just wants to suffer, and it will find the nearest reason to latch onto. I won't let it latch on. Instead, I let myself know: I accept (validate) my feelings right now, and allow my body to express the suffering in the most natural and direct way.

Just keep rolling around on the bed like that, whether you're crying, laughing hysterically (or both at once). I guess the feeling of suffering will significantly lessen right after, making actually tackling the problem (from Step 2) simpler than ever. The method's name also comes from this: you squirm like a fish out of water.

Comparison With Other Methods:

1. Dopamine Fasting / Detox: This concept is just everywhere online, and is misunderstood dearly. Completely fasting all dopamine generally reduces both the capacity for suffering and the motivation to work. I see this as a “blanket ban” type of solution, causing harm alongside benefits. Dry Squirming allows you to limit the release period more intentionally (easier to manage, easier to use).
2. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT's main goal is to change thoughts and behaviors, while my method focuses on releasing the feeling of suffering to enable action more quickly.
3. Somatic Experiencing (SE): I dislike it because it's too slow and doesn't allow experiencing the extreme of emotions early on. This might make accessing these emotions harder in the long run, ultimately still not directly validating/neutralizing these specific feelings.

In short, "Dry Squirming" is my preferred way to resolve the "suffering for no specific reason" issue quickly, with immediate results.

Happy squirming! 🤤

Check out my previous thoughts on mental wounds here in not knowing